Monday, April 24, 2006

Ding Dong The kids are gone.

Pesach was nice but I'm thrilled it's over.

We were home the whole time, yes that includes my kids, and now they're back in school. No more cooking. No more cleaning. No more nagging. No more whining. No more runny noses. If they have em' I can't see em'. It's now the teacher's responsibility.

It's not like I'm totally void of responsibility. I've got the baby home with me but if there is one thing that my kids did successfully do these past two weeks, it is make my baby look good and easy.

So life now goes back to normal and I couldn't be happier.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Pesach Expenditure

It looks like we are staying home for pesach and not going to a hotel. As a pick me up to my pesach cleaning, I think that means that I have the allocated hotel money (8,000) or so to blow on Pesach at home? Some remodeling seems to be calling.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Reminders of Dad

As Purim passed and Pesach is approaching, I can't seem to manage my thoughts from flowing to my dad constantly. Figuring out details of yahrtzeit and whether to say yizkor or not are all just triggers. I had thought I was doing so well until last week when I paid a shiva call to a friend of mine who unfortunately also lost her father. I've seen incidents before of what I did but didn't really expect it from myself.

During our shiva, a woman came to visit who lost her husband about three years ago. When she walked in, she burst into tears and we ended up consoling her. Her own loss, I suppose, overwhelmed her at our shiva house. Also, at my father's levaya, a friend of mine who had lost her father six months before found herself inconsolable. Why is it that other people's tragedies dredge up so much from one's own personal experience?

I had gone to pay a shiva call to console my friend and really found myself not just feeling her pain, but completely feeling mine again as if this were my own shiva house. I felt terrible. I really did go to comfort her but she and her mom ended up consoling me. It was embarrassing and I had to leave.

I guess I go though the overall motions of everyday life with this underlying sadness just under the surface that I could usually ignore but when confronted with these emotions in other people, I can't control my own. After speaking to so many people that lost someone, I know that this is normal. Unfortunately they say the sadness will never go away. Maybe the newness will, but the sadness will not. I suppose that when I was confronted with my friend losing her father, I didn't cry just for me, but for her as well. The thought of her going through all of what I had the last few months and the bleaker future which was in store for her was enough to push my sadness past the surface.

Visiting my grandmother, my dad's mother, this week, did not help. Luckily she is older and doesn't fully comprehend what went on with my dad. Being in his house where he grew up and where some of my greatest childhood memories are from, coupled with my grandmother being in the condition that she is when she was such a strong capable women proved to be another kick in the gut. The happiness replaced with sadness and old age, all part of life and all to depressing. My 80+ grandmother represented a sad picture of life and what the future holds down the road if we are lucky enough to make it till then.

It looks like the sadness is here to stay for a while. As much as I try to be normal, I can't disguise the truth from myself. I miss him terribly and tragedies as well as yom tovim and simchas seem to just enhance the feelings. Maybe it will subside again soon and maybe it won't. I doubt I will ever stop missing him.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Not Such A Bad Investment After All

The Gameboy that my son had purchased turns out to be a lot more entertaining than I thought. I was worried about the non educational, baseless value of the gameboy when we bought it. I looked hard to find a game that didn't contain fighting in it. The last thing I wanted to do is encourage his fighting.

After searching through many a toy store for a cartridge for him to play, I came across a MsPacMan Game. Further, to my delight, the same cartridge contained DigDug, Pole Position, and Galaga on it. I'm an 80 's girl and being that I was MsPacMan champ back in the day, I couldn't hold back. Without hesitation I knew this was the game that would be perfect for my son. I wouldn't have to read directions, or worry about fighting. I mean Galaga is much better, just promotes shooting everything that drops down. And MsPacMan, getting eaten by monsters will not at all enhance my sons fear of the dark and what lies beneath his bed at night.

While my son was in school I bought it, unwrapped it, and popped it into the gameboy. I scrolled to the MsPacMan game and started to play. Things are a little different when playing without a joystick. Sometimes MsPacMan has a mind of her own and doesn't quite take the route you had envisioned for her in your head. But sometimes she does, and when she does she glides through the boards, eating power pellets, and chomping on blue monsters, raising her score as she goes. Ding Ding Ding, 10,000, free man, whoohoo up to the challenge. I can't stop. Pesach cleaning will have to wait, blogs will come later, and my son who really wants to play will just have to hold out until tomorrow when "mommy can teach him, after she learns more about how to play."

Folks gotta go, I think Galaga is calling my name.